The culture shock and extreme lifestyle change had still taken Bentley by surprise. The life that he was living only a few weeks prior to where he stood now was something that he wasn’t able to completely comprehend. Of course this was everything that he wanted and even though the remnants from his past still continued to haunt him like some sort of reoccurring nightmare, the curly-haired male made sure to try and keep his emotions at bay. Between the recording of his first album, the promotion of his first single and all of the meet and greets that he was required to attend, the seventeen year old was being driven wild with his busy schedule. The days spent going to school for eight hours, hanging out with friends for awhile, then staying up all night doing homework seemed more simple to whatever it was that was occurring right now. Sleep was hardly an option and the momentary breaks he would get were nice, but the fast paced life of his budding stardom was most definitely taking a toll on his entire being. Luckily, he had been granted a few days to sleep and screw his head on straight. Even though Ben was excited about the hours he could spend laying in his bed or working on some new tunes to relieve some stress, a call from his ex-boyfriend interrupted his life in the fast lane.
Knowing that Ryan had heard his breakout single and immediately came rushing back gave the younger of the two a total heart-attack. That wasn’t his intention when releasing the song to the radio, but, in a way, he was glad that the other was making an attempt to reach out to him once more. With how things ended, Bentley would be lying if he said he wasn’t a total wreck inside. All of the love that made the world around him appear as if he were looking through a pair of rose colored glasses disappeared when Ryan left to New York. The coldness the other showed towards him was what really sucked. All of the text messages, instant messages, emails and Facebook posts directed toward him were ignored. The initial shock of being told that he was loved everyday to not at all tore him apart. Though he painted on a smile and played the typical charade for everyone around him, Bentley was in a bad place. Even though he was a star on the rise and his stance as a celebrity was only gaining him more and more prominence in the world, it was all a simple distraction from what was truly going on within his head. Every single time he was asked to perform And So It Goes in front of people, he had to fight off the river of tears that would form if he actually allowed himself to feel. In all honesty, his heart was still beating for Ryan Allen and when he received that phone call, a weakness from within him propelled him to head on over to the other’s hotel room to meet up with him. Maybe, if anything, this would serve as some sort of closure so they could move on easier?
Sitting in the backseat of the big yellow taxi, Bentley watched as the city began to slowly illuminate as the moon took the place of the sun in the sky. Even though Los Angeles was a little more relaxed that The Big Apple, they both lit up like fireworks on the Fourth of July when the sun went down. Biting down on his full bottom lip, his stomach filled with a flurry of butterflies. After months of not seeing, communicating or even thinking about his ex-lover, he was about to be faced with him. After all the silent tears and faked showers, he and Ryan were about to spend sometime together. Whether the flame of their romance was rekindled or officially extinguished, the small male was pensive about it. When the car came to a halt in front of the hotel, Bentley paid the cabby the fare before exiting the car and immediately entering the building. Hoping that no one recognized him, he quickly made his way towards the nearest elevator and pressed the button that would lead him up to the floor that the other male was staying on. A few moments in the elevator, the brunet made navigated his way down the hall until he was placed in front of Ryan’s room. Inhaling and exhaling a steady breath, he balled his hand into a fist and knocked on the door — stepping back after in anticipation for the other to open up. It was unsure whether he’d want to attack him with affection or remain cold, but how he reacted all depended on the first moment his eyes were directed towards the other’s.
Running his fingers through his brown hair, Ryan makes an exasperated noise and thinks hard of why he was here. Love, obviously. Just to talk - closure, maybe. Many would think that Ryan went to go see Bentley for the money - using him with their old love to get a famous, rising star boyfriend. Even his own mother questioned him when he packed his bags to take off to go see Bentley, but Ryan knew his intentions were honorable. When Ryan had moved to New York, he was heartbroken. As his heart shattered when he left Bentley, Ryan had told himself that he couldn’t be lonely and miserable in New York, when he was supposed to be living his dream. Because of this, every text, message, or email Bentley sent had been ignored. His own mother had told him to focus on his goals, and knowing this himself, Bentley would only make him stray. Missing his ex was agony and whenever he saw the messages from him, Ryan would be tempted to reply, tell him he wanted him back, that he was still in love with him and distance meant nothing to him. A boyfriend who lived many miles away wouldn’t pull him away from achieving his dream of becoming the best dancer in the world. But he thought he knew what was best, and what was best was keeping Bentley away from him so the pain would wear of later. It had torn him apart in the beginning, but Ryan had to push on because he was living out the life he’s always wanted - though he didn’t have the one person he wanted in it.
Standing as his tall and graceful form is illuminated by the sun, Ryan moves around the bed to look out the window again, biting his lip. He didn’t know if he wanted closure, specifically. Most likely, Bentley did. He probably wanted to know why Ryan was such a dick and left him behind to selfishly follow his dreams, without a single call or any means of contact soon after his hasty goodbye. He probably moved on from Ryan after that song, while his feelings for Bentley came crashing back down on him like hail. Ryan bites back tears, biting down on his lip again as he stares out the window, watching the traffic below and wondering which one carried the boy who Ryan used to hold and whisper soft words to - the boy he used to kiss until his lungs nearly gave out. He was the boy Ryan first fell head over heels in love with - Bentley was his first everything, and the boy had exposed a vulnerability to Ryan that he didn’t like to show, unless it was to Bentley. On the outside, he was clearly the more dominant part of the relationship, being the older one as well. But when it came down to it, Bentley was his rock and his support. Without him, Ryan probably wouldn’t be one of the top dancers in New York. Every dance move he made; any choreography that he made was all dedicated to Bentley, though he had never said so. Those pieces were all pain or happiness - the emotions he’s felt with Bentley, expressed in them. People would tell him later that they had never seen him so expressive and flowing, but inside, Ryan would sometimes feel like he was chained up by his conflicting feelings for Bentley, that were quickly rising up again. They obviously spiked when he heard the song, and now he was here, like a cheesy teen movie.
And this would be when the best scene of said movie would happen - when the two teens meet and sparks fly. But this was different. Ryan was sure Bentley hated him, which was making him reluctant to open the door to see a bitter and resentful Bentley on the other side. He didn’t want to see the hurt he had caused his ex whom he still cared deeply for, but Ryan had come all this way to see him. However, the hand on the doorknob is shaking with hesitation as he thinks back to the song that Bentley had written, how emotional it made Ryan, and how it made him realize how stupid he was and how much he must’ve really hurt Bentley. He shouldn’t open the door then and hurt him some more, right? But then, his anxiety took over and he yanks the door open, staring at Bentley with his eyes wide and his lips parted as if he was near gaping at him. “B-B-Bentley…” Ryan stammers, his confident and sophisticated demeanor disappearing the moment he laid eyes on his ex. He suddenly has no idea how to greet him, given their history. Instead, he stands there awkwardly, warmth filling his body at just one look at those warm eyes. Quickly, Ryan drops his smoldering gaze and invites Bentley into his modest hotel room, shutting the door behind him quietly. And that’s when he can’t help himself - his long legs carry him towards Bentley and he immediately grabs him into a tight hug, burying his face into his familiar smell. “I…I missed you…” He whispers into his hair, closing his eyes as the familiar body molded against him. I need a second chance… “This…This is incredible.” He lets go of him and gives him a painful smile, covered by feigned happiness. “You’re here. You’re…famous. Wow, B. I mean…Bentley, um, you look great…” And that he did - Ryan just wished he wasn’t making a fool of himself.
Ryan shouldn’t be been nervous. After all, it was just Bentley. Bentley Costello, to be exact. Months ago, Bentley’s name would’ve meant nothing to the many fans he now had; to the management team who was ushering him around and guiding him to the top. Months ago, Bentley was the name Ryan whispered when he told his lover good night over the phone - the first name he said in the morning when he called to say good morning, love. The boy had a way of keeping Ryan’s heart beating quickly, making the usually confident guy that Ryan was melt into a nervous schoolgirl with a crush. When they were together, Ryan had felt so happy and so light on his feet. Finally, he had found the one who could make him feel as if nothing and no one else mattered. His mother had told him that love like this would take eons to find, if you were lucky. Some would think they had found it, but they were wrong. But Ryan knew that he had found that love, that type of throw yourself into happiness and warmth love because nothing else exists by the two of you, and he had found it with Bentley.
Now, he wishes he wasn’t blinded by his own dreams of dancing. He could’ve stayed with Bentley; at least had a long-distance relationship with him. But Ryan was an idiot, and he had let Bentley slip through his fingers, despite how much he loved him. I’m going to see him, though. He couldn’t believe Bentley actually wanted to meet up with him in his hotel room. Ryan had tried not to grin when Bentley agreed on the phone, just the sound of his voice making him light up. It had felt so odd without him in New York, even though Ryan did feel like he belonged there. The people there were great – competitive, but with the right friends, supportive. Ryan felt like he had improved immensely with his dancing, with the training he was receiving. But now, he had dropped everything for Bentley – even the auditions and recitals he had in the next few months. Ryan had apologized deeply to his trainers and to the companies waiting for him - Mia Michaels wanted to see him, holy hell – but he had to see Bentley after he heard that song on the radio. He couldn’t believe himself for just dropping Bentley like that, when the other hadn’t even pursued his dreams of singing when they were together. At least, he didn’t pack up and fly off to California after a long good-bye. No, he had put his dreams on hold for Ryan and he felt terrible for keeping the boy back, which he was sure he did.
Maybe Bentley would agree, or disagree, but Ryan did feel like he was holding Bentley’s potential back. He could’ve been a star earlier on, if it weren’t for the two of them, attached at the hip at home. Ryan runs his fingers through his hair anxiously, his turbulent thoughts racing through his head as he sat on the edge of the bed patiently, his fingers trembling slightly. ”Holy hell.” He mutters to himself, standing up, being unable to sit still. Ryan found himself pacing, biting on his bottom lip as he looked towards the door, then to his phone on the nightstand. Where is he? Ryan thinks to himself, nervously walking towards the window – as if that would give him much of a view. He was able to afford a pretty good room in a nice hotel with his mother’s wealth from the success of her dance company – which he wasn’t willing to join, contrary to the news in the dance world – but the view from his window was of the city, not at all of the front of the hotel, where Bentley could’ve been arriving. Or the back door, if he had fan girls following him. He tries not to feel a heat of jealousy in his stomach, but there’s definitely a fire in his body that he can’t place an emotion on.
BRUNO MARS - WHEN I WAS YOUR MAN
I hope he buys you flowers
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to every party
Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man